Facing death is an important part of life
Unless we make peace with death it will keep us from living a full life. Make death a part of life and make each day count.
If you are wondering why I am writing such a grim post, it is because someone very dear to me passed away recently and another person dear to me is fighting for her life. Covid this year has also added to this cloud over our heads with each of us knowing at least one person who has lost a loved on. It’s a grim time for everyone but we need to learn to face this inevitable part of our lives.
Nothing is scarier than confronting death
Death of a loved one has a grim finality that can shake you to your core. Many times it is sudden and shocking with the disturbing realization that you will never see or hear from that person ever again. Suddenly all the small things you took for granted disappear. Death always leaves a void in our soul.
Confronting your own death is scarier still. It’s the fear of the unknown. A primal fear as old as time itself. Even if you do believe in an afterlife, it’s still very scary and disturbing. It takes a saint to be at peace with one’s own demise, the rest of us have to manage somehow.
Facing death can, ironically, improve life
Lots of people who have a had a close brush with death such as cancer survivors or someone recovering from a near fatal accident always seem to have a new appreciation of life.
When we realize how short life is, all the other nonsense seems to become small and insignificant. Facing death filters the signal from the noise in our life. It focuses our attention on what is truly important - gratitude and appreciation.
Many of us live like we have infinite amount of time. We put off things that need to be done or put off saying things that need to be said. And soon, before you know, its all over. Instead we must squeeze every drop from each minute, hour and day of life.
As the playwright Bertolt Brecht said, “Do not fear death so much but rather the inadequate life.”
Hold on tightly, but when its time, let go lightly.
Being an animal lover, I have seen dozens of pets come and go. Some have stayed for a long time and some have had tragically short lives. Each one takes a small part of your heart with them.
But I am always struck with how easily they jump in and out of life. They are born without fuss and they die without fuss. They don’t feel sorry for themselves, they don’t cling to life with their fingernails, they just let go, peacefully.
As the great American Indian chief Tecumseh said, “When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.”
While living hold on tightly to life and get the most out of it, but when its time, let go lightly.
Prepare for death wisely and systematically.
Of course none of us know when its going to be our last day on this planet. But we can prepare wisely and systematically for it.
Some of the thing you can do are both practical and important
Write a letter to each of your loved ones and seal it with instructions to be opened only after your death. Leave a message of love and appreciation for each one that they will cherish.
Prepare a will. No matter how young or old you are, prepare a will. Its very simple to do so and does not need much legal stuff (although drafting with a lawyer is always a good idea.) A will can be written on any piece of paper, signed by you and two witnesses and will be accepted anywhere. There are online services that help you make will for a small fee as well - see https://www.willjini.com/
Inventory your possessions, valuables and passwords. You don’t want loved ones scrambling to find this or that after you’re gone. Make sure they know where everything is to be found. With the digital world, passwords are important too. Share these with trusted loved ones.
Make a list of people that might need to be notified and what should be done. If you have an life insurance policy, make sure that is in order and the documents are easily available to loved ones.
Put aside a small sum and clear instructions for your funeral. In some countries, funerals can be expensive, so make enquiries and leave the right amount.
Connect with people you have lost touch with who are important to you. Let go of old grudges and reach out. Don’t leave this planet before making sure you have communicated and completed with everyone you care about.
It is surprising how many times death catches us unawares and leaves loved ones scrambling to make sense of your life and possessions. Prepare sensibly and make it easy on your loved ones.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter
We would all like our lives to have meant something. We want to leave a legacy and we want to be remembered. After all what is the point of all this if no one cares. But the time to make a difference is when you are living, not after death. After you are dead, you are dead!
Given enough time, even the most influential, powerful person will be forgotten. The world will move on. All our ego, hubris and pride means nothing in the long term. We need to life more fully today and forget about what will happen to your legacy after you die.
A final thought…
Someone once told me an idea that has stuck in my head - If there is even one person who sheds a tear when you pass, your life can be considered successful.
If you have lived a good life, there will be plenty of tears and smiles of remembrance as well. Live each day as if its your last, and make it count.